“The thing you don’t understand about my mom…”

Tonight at dinner my daughter told me that she had explained to someone, “the thing you don’t understand about my mom is that if her appendix burst and she had to have surgery, she wouldn’t sit still for more than five minutes after she was released from the hospital.” She then proceeded to tell me that I could accomplish so much more if I tossed my phone in a ditch, made anyone who wanted to get ahold of me to send an email and got an assistant to pretend to be me and answer them all.

She is smart. I’ve always thought of her as Lindsey 2.0 simply because she basically looks like my clone, but I think she’ll be better than me because she has blended her father’s ability to step back and observe, and she plans things much better than I do.

The conversation left me feeling validated, with her even offering to just start telling people that she is me so she can intercept some things. When your teenager acknowledges how hard you work, it makes the work worthwhile. It also affirms the load I have been carrying is getting too heavy and I haven’t been delegating well.

When we opened this business we had no idea what to expect, thought we would never have employees and the idea of a coffee/wine bar never even crossed our minds. It was just going to be a limited hour small shop that allowed people to swing by for their local groceries weekly and maybe make some sourdough bread sometimes. Turns out God had big plans for Dixon and this tiny store, and me.

This store has its own energy that has been creating a community loaded with real food, culture and support, while I have felt as though I am chasing behind it, and sometimes being run over by it. Did you know that we buy 95% of what’s stocked in the store directly from each artisan who makes it? That means every single item in the store is hand curated with a one on one relationship. 

I have been searching for clarity and small chunks of peaceful enjoyment of it for the last few months. I hope by reflecting here those will come. It is hard to believe we are now in our 18th month of business. When I look back at the BIG DREAMS I incorporated into our business plan, they are all checked off.

Weekly Farmer’s Market – check

Beer & Wine & Food – check

Patio – check

Canning and sourdough classes – check

Art, kids, seasonal eating workshops – check

10 employees, seven days per week, extended hours, live music- those weren’t even on the list but – check

And I have more ideas than time to implement them, so I foresee lots of future for The Barn and Pantry.

However, I have to find a way to compartmentalize before I burn out. Shutting off my brain is counterintuitive, so how do people like me find balance?

The 5am club? Um, not if that means I start working at 5am instead of 7am.

I’ve tried magnesium float tanks, HIIT workouts, cryotherapy, running, walking, meditating, reading, and even sitting in my car for 10 minutes before and after driving places. Over the last month I felt as though I have made a little headway but there is still a lot of work to be done to achieve balance. Yes, that oxymoron should give you a little insight inside. 

I read that successful CEOs don’t work off of a task list, but instead a calendar because your tasks are never-ending. I also read that delegation is the key to finding the best ways to use your own time. I’ve been putting those into place so hopefully they’ll become fruitful soon.

So if you swing by the store and don’t find me, I’m probably hiding in an undisclosed location attempting to do the whole work-life-balance thing. And if you see me there, come say hi and let me know you made it all the way to the end of my rambling.

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